{"id":11432,"date":"2021-08-16T21:24:10","date_gmt":"2021-08-16T21:24:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.naylor.com\/associationadviser\/?p=11432"},"modified":"2021-08-18T16:50:24","modified_gmt":"2021-08-18T16:50:24","slug":"how-to-be-heard-in-a-polarized-world","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.naylor.com\/associationadviser\/how-to-be-heard-in-a-polarized-world\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Be Heard in a Polarized World"},"content":{"rendered":"

A trap is only a trap if you don\u2019t know about it. If you know about it, it\u2019s a challenge.\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/h4>\n

\u00a0– China Mi\u00e9ville<\/span><\/em><\/h4>\n
\"Amanda
Amanda Ripley<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

What makes some conflicts manageable, while others entrap those involved for days, weeks, or even decades? Amanda Ripley, a New York Times bestselling author and an investigative journalist who writes for the Atlantic and the Washington Post, led an audience at ASAE\u2019s 2021 Annual Meeting through the differences between good conflict and high conflict, and how to use tools like ninja listening to work through conflict more efficiently.<\/span><\/p>\n

Good vs. high conflict<\/h2>\n

Conflict is inevitable as we go through life. Good conflict happens when two differing opinions about how to handle a situation arise. Both parties are able to work through a good conflict, come to an acceptable resolution, and move forward with life. When people can speak their mind even if they disagree, and argue without dehumanizing each other, they\u2019re not blinded by hatred or mistrust. Good conflict becomes actionable because those in conflict recognize that they simply have different views.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But when conflict escalates beyond a certain point, it takes on a life of its own. Differences of opinion stop mattering and the conflict becomes central to everything. Ripley calls this high conflict, or conflict for conflicts\u2019 sake. It starts small but becomes all-consuming, and almost everyone ends up worse off. High conflict typically manifests as an us-versus-them conflict.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Lately, much of our society\u2019s conflicts have political tones. Lots of things have contributed to our current political conflict: demographic shifts, social media, poverty, and racial prejudice. According to <\/span>Pew Research<\/span><\/a>, 54% of Americans see other Americans as the biggest threat to the well-being of their country. 45% of Americans have stopped talking to someone about politics because of something they\u2019ve said. And 62% of us say we have political views we\u2019re afraid to share.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

We sink into high conflict because of a mix of inner motivations and external forces, Ripley explained. She gave the example of Gary Friedman, a legal mediator credited with originating the study of conflict resolution, to show that anyone can fall into high conflict. After proving himself to be a knowledgeable mediation expert, Gary\u2019s neighbors in northern California invited him to run for office in 2015. He won his community services district board race, but <\/span>the experience wasn\u2019t what he envisioned it to be<\/a><\/strong>. People\u2019s natural resistance to change and American\u2019s long-entrenched wariness of politicians made his attempts at doing things differently miserable.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

In another example, Ripley told the story of Curtis Toler, a man who joined a gang in Chicago as a boy. He wanted to belong and he wanted protection. But then his role model was murdered outside of his high school. Curtis became consumed with getting revenge on the rival gang that he thought was responsible. It was a long road for him to leave the gang world and channel his needs for belonging and protection into a job <\/span>mentoring at-risk youth in his hometown<\/a><\/strong>. Conflict is complex, and sometimes lengthy to escape.<\/span><\/p>\n

How to shift from high conflict to good conflict<\/h2>\n

It\u2019s possible to shift out of high conflict and into good conflict, and become more effective (and less miserable!) at resolving the root of the conflict. Here\u2019s what people interested in mediating conflict, their own or others, should try to find out as they seek to defuse high conflict into good:<\/span><\/p>\n

1. How the high conflict happened<\/h3>\n

Three forces distort minor, resolvable conflicts into bigger ones:<\/p>\n